Seek the Lord, and his strength:
seek his face evermore.
Psalm 105:4
Last night during my Bible reading, I had asked God to give me a verse for the coming year. I'd been thinking about it for the past week, but couldn't seem to settle on it. Then I read Psalm 105:4 and knew that was my verse. As I was praying this morning, it was confirmed for me.
The Lord brought something to my mind..... So often while reading the Old testament, I shake my head over the tendency of the Israelites to forget God. Time and again we read, "....and the children of Israel again did evil in the sight of the Lord," and God delivers them into the hands of their enemies.. It occurred to me that I must be just as exasperating to God as those Israelites.
Let me explain...
2008 was very much a year of mountain top experiences. Brian and I had jumped into serving the Lord with all we had. Brian was involved with a huge building project for the church, I had twenty-four of my songs recorded, printed my song book, as well as my devotional, and a certain little girl had come back into our lives. That fall, Brian became director of the children's program, and together we were leading a class. My favorite verse that year was Psalm 34:8 O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.
But I wonder if somewhere along the way, I began (as I tend to do) doing things in my own strength. Not consciously....my desire has always been to give glory to my Lord and Saviour in all that I do, but...."The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" Jer.17:9
Not that I was 'doing evil,' but by not seeking God and his strength consistently through his word and in prayer, I was not putting my trust completely in him alone. I was really no different from the Israelites I find so frustrating.
The end of 2008 brought a situation that I was truly not prepared for. 2009 and 2010 brought more difficult circumstances where my life, and my family seemed to be controlled by the actions and decisions of others. So much so, that I felt that we are living in limbo, always waiting, trying to move forward, but somehow stuck. Not a very victorious way to live!
Knowing that I have no control over the circumstances of my life, and experiencing it are two very different things. The Lord has used these situations over the past two years to teach me, and teach me, and to teach me. Not a new lesson, (I'm a slow learner) but one that became very clear during my prayer time this morning. I need to not just accept, but to embrace the fact that God has allowed these circumstances for a purpose, and though it may seem that other people are in control, HE is the one in control. And he wants me to surrender my will and my desires, and seek him and his strength....not in the hope that he changes my circumstances, or provides an easier way, or changes other people, but so that he can change ME. So that no matter what my circumstance, I can have peace and contentment IN HIM.
Easier said than done...I know that it needs to be a daily surrender, I know that I need to purpose in my heart to be more disciplined in prayer and in the word, knowing that God is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. One step I've already taken that I hope will help me in this is to sign up for a six week online Bible study. I'm praying that God will use this to help me dig deeper into his word and to keep me accountable, and establish my path, guiding me along as I put one foot in front of the other.
It's the end of the first day of this new year. I'm trusting that the Lord who has begun a good work in me today will perform it.
