How Do I Cope With Having An Estranged Child?

I thought I was coping quite well...until I saw her picture on a relative's FB. I thought I had let go of the hurt...but that picture just brought everything back to the forefront.

I wrote last week about pregnancy losses, and as hard as those are, there is a greater loss...that of a child who is still living but refuses contact, as our oldest adopted daughter does.

My Top 5 Posts of 2019

  It seems we're not the only ones trying to simplify our lives. Four of my top five posts are from my Decluttering and Downsizing series. In fact, the top post of all time is the first I wrote in the series. Part 1 of our Foster-Adoption story made it into the top 5 as well!

My Isaac Part 28 Adoption Day

 By May 2012, we had completed everything required for our adoption home study and again we waited for other people to do their part. The day finally came in August! By this time, we were living in a camper trailer while building our house,  but we gladly took a break from work to meet with our social worker and sign the official documents. 

My Isaac Part 27 God is Still Good!

 Having made the decision to move back home, we got busy preparing our house to sell, purchasing property and making plans for our new home. We had also begun a child-specific home study in preparation for adopting our little Princess. It had been a long time coming and of course, that whole process took a long time, but we were almost there!

  It was a busy time and blog posts were few and far between, but I did make a year end post that summed things up...

 "In his time God will work all things for our good and for his glory, and even if we don't ever get to see the whole picture....well, God is still good isn't he!"

My Isaac Part 26 Wherever You Are

  I'm not sure what was going on at this time, or what was on my mind...I do know that Thanksgiving was difficult that year. I was missing our girls and our grandkids. Ten years earlier we had moved...we were only an hour away, but the distance was more than just miles. Perhaps everything had just piled up and I  needed to spend a few minutes wallowing in self pity! 

 I had said to Brian, "I want to move home." And wonderful man that he is, he agreed, and soon we were looking for property and planning our move.

My Isaac Part 25 Taking a Break

  Another year of waiting. Life went on. Eventually, we would be able to start our adoption home study, but in the meantime calls to take in more foster children continued.

  Another nine months had now passed.

My Isaac Part 24 Seek the Lord and His Strength

 We had been preparing ourselves for our Princess to return to her birth mom. They had been having regular visits and cfs was looking at extending visits. Because of some circumstances in her birth mom's life, transition home would probably not happen until springtime....several months away. 

From an email:
 During one of the visits, Danica was telling the social worker about some red leaves she took to Sunday School, and said, "It's amazing what God can do!" So....I guess we both need to just remember that..."It's amazing what God can do!"

 Then in November of 2010, there was a surprising change of plans. We received the news that her birth mom was giving up her parental rights. Out of respect to Princess's birth mom, I won't share all of the details of how this came about...we were just thankful for this amazing turn of events!

  There was one condition, however... That no adoption plan be made for one full year! 

My Isaac Part 23 You're In His Hands

 We'll take it one day at a time, put one foot in front of the other....and trust the Lord to take us through...just as he always has...but sometimes a reminder is needed. *sigh

My Isaac, Part 22 Victoria Day & Victory

 I know I could have condensed these posts into a shorter series, but there`s a method to my madness... I`m hoping by now you have some idea of what it was like living through the ups and downs and twists and turns of this process, and enduring the endless waiting! Just when we thought we were going one direction, the plan would change, forcing us to adjust to our new reality. 

 Not my will, but thine Lord...the ONLY way to victory! 

My Isaac Part 21 Whose Best Interest?

  After giving her birth mom every opportunity to make the changes the judge had listed in the previous trial, the decision had been made to once again go back to the court and ask for a permanent guardianship order. 

 In March 2010, Princess D's birth mom spoke to me about the possibility of us adopting her. It wasn't what she wanted, but she felt like she had no other option. Of course, there were details to work out, but we seemed to be in agreement. All we could do was wait and see.

 The next two months were a series of meetings and court adjournments which we were not a part of. In May 2010, birth mom and her lawyer presented a plan to the social workers, and it was agreed that she should have one more chance to turn things around.

  Whenever feasible, reunification is the best choice for children, but this living in limbo was taking it's toll...as you can see in this post.

My Isaac Part 20 Precious Moments

 Not all of the details of this saga were included on my blog, but an email from that time filled in the gaps.

"Jan 16, 2010

We got good news this week. CFS had their meeting on Thursday, and they're going back to court for the permanent order. We still have to wait for a court date, so it's far from over yet, but at least we know they're headed in the right direction."

I was feeling hopeful.

My Isaac Part 19 Reflecting On the Past Year

   It was the end of another year, and though uncertainty about our foster daughter's future remained, other matters also occupied my thoughts...Even when we're living in limbo the world keeps on spinning, and the rest of life and all that entails continues on.

My Isaac Part 18 I'll Keep Trusting

Living in limbo...

I'm not sure there`s any way to describe it to someone who has never experienced it.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition of 'in limbo'

 1: in a forgotten or ignored place, state, or situation; orphaned children left in limbo in foster homes and institutions. (How fitting...and a little disconcerting that this situation is so common it`s an example in the dictionary.)  

2: in an uncertain or undecided state or condition (Yup, that`s accurate too!)

 Although I`d become accustomed to living in this forgotten, ignored, uncertain, undecided place, it was still a struggle.  All I could do was determine to keep trusting in my Lord.

My Isaac Part 17 Now What?

 And finally, the judge's decision came.

My Isaac Part 16 One Year Ago

And still we wait for the judge's decision...

My Isaac Part 15 Cutest Back of the Head

  While we waited for an answer from the judge, life went on. And with each passing day, we grew to love this little girl more and more. Because of confidentiality, foster parents are not allowed to mention the names of foster children or post pictures of them on social media. We got very adept at taking good 'back of the head' photos! 

My Isaac Part 14 In His Time

  "All things work together for good, the Lord has promised in his word. And in his plan we will put our trust, for it was he who lent you to us."

My Isaac Part 13 Hannah's Heart

  As often happens, God used one of my own songs, based on his word, to speak to me during this time. Not the specific circumstances, but the message... "Hannah’s heart had learned to trust and pray."

 "What a difference it makes when we just put our trust in the Lord, and realize, as Hannah did, that there is none holy as the Lord: for there is none beside thee: neither is there any rock like our God!" 

1 Samuel 1:1 –1 Samuel 2:21 (please read the account in your Bible)

Jeremiah 17:7,8 Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.

My Isaac Part 12 Waiting

  The trial to determine Princess's future had begun in February. She'd been with us since June....8 months; a very long time in the life of a child. Visits were going well, and I felt that with support, reunification could be successful. We thought, finally a decision would be made! 

  Unfortunately, because of bad roads, an expert witness wasn't able to make it, so further trial dates had to be set in March and April.

My Isaac Part 11 Surprise Packages

 And just like that, we were back to being foster parents! We hadn't planned to take more kids, but it wasn't long before the phone began ringing again.  I'm so glad we said yes because these were two of the most rewarding experiences we had during our fostering years. The circumstances in each situation were completely different, but both had a happy ending, and we were blessed to have a small part in the lives of these children and their families. 

Isn't it amazing what the Lord can do when we put Isaac on the altar!? 

Philippians 2:14 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.